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My mother was a teacher.  When I, and subsequently my brother and sister, was born, she stopped teaching in the classroom for a time, but she was always a teacher.  She had a gift for reaching the hearts and minds of children and not only educate them but also be a positive influence in their lives as a whole.  It was one of the many things that I admired about her.

My brother followed her into the profession.  And, from what I have become privy to, he has the same gift.  His drama students seem to consider him one of their favored instructors.  His ability to build those relationships and become such a positive light in the lives of others demonstrates to me that he is a definitive inheritor of my mother’s talent and spirit.  I admire him a great deal more than he will probably ever know.

My sister, likewise, seems bound for the role of the teacher, though from a different level.  I always remember my sister as incredibly intelligent, but her intellectual pursuits and her accomplishments leave me in awe.  But, despite all of these it is her unbridled, and seemingly inextinguishable, optimism and zeal for life that comes through in so much of everything she does.  She is the whirling dervish of my mother’s optimistic energy made flesh. 

I, on the other hand, am not the outgoing educator bound to change lives for the better.  Unlike my siblings, I am uncomfortable in social situations, never really feeling like I connect with people.  In fact, I am often happiest when my vocation allows me to spend the bulk of my time with cold machines and raw reports and data.

I can’t account for the difference between us, siblings are always different, I suppose.  But, I feel as though I am failing to honor the memory and spirit of the wonderful woman who was my mother by failing so completely to carry some aspect of who and what she was out into the world.  Susan Ford was a woman worthy of remembrance.  She touched so many lives with her light, and that is something special in a dark world like this one.  My brother and sister both have taken up her standard in their own way and carried forth that light as they have pursued their dreams. 

I can’t say the same.  Self-examination is something that I have been trying to do more of lately.  I have a great deal to repair in my life going forward, and to truly do so I must understand how things became broken to begin with.  And, this point is one that has been nagging at me.  I am not carrying forth the light that was gifted to me by my mother, and I think that represents a key failing within me.  I’m just not sure how to fix it.

I truly wish I could sit down with her one last time, I need her words of advice so badly right now.


One Comment

  1. The jury’s still out. I might still end up ringmaster of a cat circus. 😉 And really — I’m not sure it matters what you’re doing so much as how you do it.

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