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This past weekend we witnessed the end of one year and the beginning of yet another.  I celebrate New Year’s with friends and loved ones every year, but in many ways the holiday feels a little empty.  In reality, all that happens is one day becomes another just like every other day.  It is only the concept of years that we have impressed upon the passage of time that makes the day significant.  And yet, somehow, despite its subjective nature, something does seem to change subtly at New Year’s.

As I experienced the first days of 2010 with my family in Charlotte, I couldn’t help but think about all that has happened over the past year, and many of the years before it.  Much has changed in my life over the last twelve months.  In many ways, the very foundations the comfortable rut I had been living in have been shaken, even shattered.  I have made new friends, reconnected with long missed loved ones, and fought an ongoing war to try to make something of myself.  A war that I, admittedly, have lost more battles in than I have won.

There has been much joy and pain in the last twelve months.  Even more in the last ten years.

It’s hard not to dwell on the past.  The pains and sorrows of the past always seem to stand out in sharp relief as you gaze backward, while the happiness and joy seem to be colored in much more subtle shades.  Perhaps this is how nature and memory help us to learn.  But, living in the past is not what we were meant for.

So, I have decided to approach the new year as a fresh canvas.  Unspoiled by the regrets and pains of the past, but uncolored by the joys and triumphs as well.  These things have already become a part of me.  They define me as I am today, and thus are present in the painter and need no place on the canvas.  So, I set out to paint these next steps I take along the road of my life, and I do it for the first time in many, many years without the one thing that has haunted my steps for so long.

Fear.

I will face this new year boldly.  I will believe that I can accomplish what I set out to do.  I will hold tight to the things I believe in and stand fast with the help of friends and family.  This shall be the year I defeat my demons and drive them back into Pandora’s Box.  I will allow myself to have the faith of a child, faith enough to put away my brushes and fingerpaint.  For in doing so I can lay claim once again to the reins of my life.

Let the masterpiece commence.

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One Comment

  1. I just read today’s post and it is is very profound, on many levels. I think there is a message in it that any reader can take to heart and use as inspiration. I thank you for today’s post.


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