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It seems like every time you turn around these days there is another story about some famous couple breaking up.  The media will revel in the he said/she said of the whole thing and absolutely gush over every tawdry detail that comes to light.  After a while it begins to be a bit of overload and you begin to wonder if the word “marriage” means something else when you’re famous.  It really can get a bit disturbing, but on the other hand it has become so commonplace that we just shrug and wonder why it took so long.

The problem I see here, though, is the image of marriage that is being portrayed to coming generations.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should be promoting the Donna Reed/Ozzie & Harriet approach so much either.  The days of  wives in the kitchen while the husbands go off to work as a social norm are over.  In these days marriage is a much healthier relationship, a partnership between two people on every level.

At least that’s what it should be.

Too often I hear from friends and colleagues that they need time in the house on their own, or they can’t wait until their spouse has to go out of town for a few days, or other such comments.  Many people make it clear that their spouse can drive them up a wall.  And, yes, every relationship is going to have a bit of that.  But, on the other hand, if we truly understand what marriage is perhaps those types of comments seem a little off.

Marriage is a societal standard.  It is what we are told all our lives should be our goal.  Grow up, get married, have kids, etc., etc., etc.  We are indoctrinated from an early age that this is what is normal, what is expected of us.  And, thus, we go about the search for a mate with a certain amount of pressure behind us to become a part of society.

I would argue that the best marriages are rooted in something different.  They result from two people finding each other who truly feel like two halves of the same whole.  But, at the same time they are not blinded by the emotions that swept them into a relationship in the first place.  They know each other inside and out.  They have learned each others hopes, dreams, wants, and hates.  They know the idiosyncracies and don’t love in spite of them, but because of them.  They find in each other deep compatibility.

Earlier this week I wrote about experiencing things together.  A true married couple hates experiencing new things apart.  The glory and glamor of the new experience is dulled by the absence of their other half. 

Now, I know many think I am an idealist, that such things do not exist.  That couples like that don;t stay that way after years of marriage.  I would argue that this is certainly not the case.  I have witnessed it first hand and have tried to model my attitudes toward marriage on it.  These couples do exist.

I saw it every day growing up in my own mother and father.


  1. True love never wanes to the point of not wnating to experience new things together. When I experience new things, even sometimes mundane stupid or just silly things, the first person I turn to is Amy. She is my sounding board, rock and ocassionaly editor (when I’m writing). A good marriage should ALWAYS be a partnership.

    • Absolutely! And I thank God every day that we learned that from mom and dad growing up.

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