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I think I have finally determined exactly what it is I want to do with my life.  After much soul-searching and examination of myself and the world around me, I have decided on the job that will most completely fulfill me as a person on every level.

I want to be the guy that gets to name the streets.

Sound ridiculous?  Bear with me.

I have lived many places in my lifetime, and one thing I can say is that whoever is naming streets in this great nation of ours has one of the best jobs in the world.  Why?  Quite simply because we are all at your mercy. 

See a documentary on old cars over the weekend?  Come to work and name a whole section of town after cars.  Start craving a little chocolate?  Name the streets of Hershey after the various cacao beans and culminate it all with the corner of Chocolate Avenue and Cocoa Avenue.  It doesn’t matter how whimsical or ridiculous it seems, you don’t have to live there.  Have an extraordinarily obscure local celebrity known for no one knows what?  Name a street after him and make all the locals wonder.  Heck, make up a name and when people question it act insulted that they don;t know the story of this great man.

Feeling evil?  Start naming the streets all the same thing.  Name half the streets in Charlotte with some version of Sharon.  Sharon Road. Sharon Amity Road.  Sharon Lane.  Even a three-way intersection of Sharon, Sharon, and Sharon.  Don’t know where to turn?  It’s a left on Sharon.  But which one?  MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

I tell you, friends, this would be the greatest job ever.  Think of the absolute mayhem you could cause if you put your mind to it?  And then you just sit back and chuckle from the porch of your house on No Friggin’ Way.


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