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I hate television commercials.

In fact, one of the many reasons I stopped watching television and turned to watching series that interested me on DVD was commercials.  If I had my way the only day they would be allowed to show commercials on TV would be Super Bowl Sunday.  (And, Go Daddy, you need a new schtick.  If all you have is a half-naked Danica Patrick or model you are banned.)

But, or course, I have waded back into commercial infested waters because I am unwilling to wait any longer than absolutely necessary to see the next episode of the last season of “Lost.”  And I am hating every time they cut to commercial.

The problem I have with commercials is they have no creativity left out there it seems.  Well, that’s not exactly true.  There are some creative minds creating commercials that leave you saying to yourself: What the hell was that?  It’s like there are two kinds of commercials:  the ones that are created from stock formulas that have been around for decades, and ads crafted by mad men (and I am not referring to the show “Mad Men,”  I most assuredly mean crazy.)

And then there’s commercial placement.  Who exactly determined that “Lost” and “Barbie in a Mermaid Tale” had similar demographics?

If what they are crafting is all it takes to sell a commercial to a client, perhaps I am in the wrong business.  I may not do the formula thing like they can, but I can certainly put on my crazy hat.

Picture this:

In an open field of green grass grazes a lone cow.  Above, white clouds race across a blue sky.  Slowly we zoom in on the cow, which raises it’s head and looks at the camera with an evil glare.  It is then we see the tag on its collar reads “Nero.”  Suddenly in the distance we hear the sound of a roaring fire and see black smoke as strains of violin music drift across the pasture.  Voiceover comes in:  “Don’t watch your barn burn while Nero fiddles.  Use Duracell batteries in your smoke detectors.”

Good, right?  Who wants to hire me?

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