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Well, Easter has come and gone for another year.  And, once again, American households find themselves flooded with enough sweets to keep things going for quite some time.  Everything from chocolate bunnies to marshmallow peeps are sitting there whispering to our subconscious, begging us to gorge ourselves on their sugary goodness.  And these treats are all well and good, but they are hardly the most memorable of Easter traditions.

I don’t know about everyone else, but the thought of Easter always seems to evoke one tradition: the Easter Egg Hunt.

There are so many memories of rushing around grassy yards, digging through the flowers, and even hip checking friends and siblings alike in retrieve the highest number of those brightly colored ovoids.  It didn’t matter what the prizes were, or even if there were any prizes, it was all about the competition.

It was vital that you win, at any cost.

Now, this could become problematic.  Adults very rarely understood the earth-shattering importance that we put on being Easter Egg Hunt Champion as kids.  This was a title that was among the most prestigious to us, and we would do anything to obtain it.  The competition could quickly devolve into a melee worse than any hockey game.

This, of course, seemed entirely acceptable to us as kids.  But, the adults frowned upon it.  We would hear admonishments about not getting grass stains on our pristine Easter clothes.  We would be dressed down for delivering the aforementioned hip checks.  We were told to take a dive and let the younger kids have a chance.  Every complaint by our parents simply made us sigh and roll our eyes inwardly.  They just didn’t get it.

Those stains?  Absolutely worth it if it snagged me that red egg before the others saw it.  That hip check?  Listen, those tears are so fake.  And, if not then he doesn’t deserve the title.  How can you expect to be champ if you can’t run with the big dogs?  And as far as the younger kids, they’re rookies.  They can’t expect a win their first year out.  And aren’t you asking me to commit a fraud of some type?  I mean they prosecute boxers and baseball teams they take a dive, how much worse is it to interfere with an EASTER EGG HUNT!!

Adults just never get it.


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