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A few days ago my wife and I were chatting and the question of what deep, dark fears are swirling in your head came up.  When she asked me the question I wasn’t sure how to answer.  It isn’t that I’m not afraid of anything.  After all, to make such a claim is an act of hubris asking for a dose of instant karma.  But, at the same time, I had problems wrapping my head around anything specific that haunts me.

And this bothered me.  It continues to do so.

So, this morning, with that conversation still bouncing around in my head, I sat down and really considered the topic.  After all, if we can’t get in touch with our fears how can we have any hope of conquering them.  Thus, here I will bare my darkest fears to the world, hoping that in doing do I will take a step toward defeating them

  • I fear not being able to make things right. I’ve done a lot of things over the years I am not proud of.  And, as time has gone by I have tried to begin mending those broken promises, hearts, and fences.  I feel like my account is considerably in the negative and I have quite a bit of work to make up for it.  I just pray I have the time.
  • I fear the downward spiral of failure. All my life I was told I had potential.  Well, if that is the case, I suppose I’m squandering it.  I am trying hard at this point to get things back on track, but it just isn’t happening at the moment.  You can read me all the reasons why in the world, in the back of my head a little voice whispers that I have simply failed and will never truly make good on my promise.
  • I fear silence. I’m not talking about the utter silence that is so creepy in the movies.  I’m talking about the quiet that surrounds you when there isn’t another soul around.  It may start off soothing, but after a time it begins to weigh on you.  The weight of that silence can be crushing at times.
  • I fear letting down or disappointing those I care about. I think this scares me more than anything.  I have so few friends and family that the idea of me letting them down scares me silly.  Nothing cuts me quite as severely as a look of disapproval or disappointment in the eyes of a friend or family member.  I know the look well after a misspent youth full of dishonesty that I will regret to my grave.  If I never see it again it will be too soon.
  • I fear looking back on my life from my deathbed with regret. I have worked hard to stave this one off.  I don’t want to look back and regret not having taken a chance, seen something truly awe-inspiring, or seized on opportunity for knowledge or wisdom.  I want to be able to say I truly lived my life.

So, what scares you, fair readers?  What are the things that haunt you in the night?  What are the goblins that creep through the dark portions of your psyche?  Perhaps by facing them together we can shine the light of day upon them and put them to rest.

The human mind is a Pandora’s Box.  All the ills and fears of the world reside there.  But no demon, no matter how powerful, in beyond the our ability to defeat.  We simply need to decided to face them.

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