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I am a creature of habit.  My routines are like a warm security blanket for me.  With the establishment of habit and routine I manage to impose order onto the chaos of my world.  It helps me do everything from knowing where my keys and shoes are to coping with the stresses and bumps in life.  I cling to my routines.  Sometimes I might feel like I’m in a rut, but it is very hard for me to sacrifice that security.  It has created a very well established and delineated comfort zone.

That neat little comfort zone….I’m not there right now.

All my well established routines and habits have been tossed out the window.  Circumstances in my life have forced that change upon me.  And, while the reason for it is a positive, the resulting chaos in my mind can be a little overwhelming.  I have stepped far afield from my normally established boundaries and taken up residence in a new mental landscape.

I know that some of you are rolling your eyes and telling me to get over it.  And, generally I agree with that assessment.  The problem is that my coping mechanisms have never been my strongest asset and the lat few months have delivered a few blows to my self confidence and ability to deal with unknown quantities.

So, for now I just power through the day any way I can.  I try to expand the borders of that comfort zone a bit each day, hoping it can come to encompass where I am now.  I’ve felt out-of-place and out of sync most of my life so this feeling isn’t exactly new.  I recognize it and can deal with it.

It just sucks feeling a tingle of fear curled up in the back of your head all the time.


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