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The other day as I was driving along the wonderfully maintained roads of Pennsylvania listening to the radio when the unmistakable growl of Trace Adkins started up on my radio.  For a long time I was among those who would answer “pretty much anything…except for country” when asked about my musical tastes, but times have changed and Trace is one reason for that.

The song was one I knew well, so, being the shower/car rock star that I am, I joined in.  Before long I was waxing nostalgic in a way that was necessarily a good thing.

You see, there’s a strangeness when it comes to me and music.  For some, the beat or the riffs are the thing they latch onto initially.  But, I tend to focus in on lyrics.  I like to hear what the artist has to say and how they say it.  What a song says is every bit as important to me as how it sounds in many ways.  As such, I can often let songs get to me, particularly if they either say something that has some kind of personal connection or they have a link to some moment or event in my life.

I suppose everyone has that to an extent.

In this case, as I joined with Trace in “You’re Gonna Miss This,” I suddenly very much did.  I suddenly felt the weight of all the years behind me all at once.

I missed my friends from high school.  Owen and Care and Brian and all the rest who had such a deep impact on who I became during those years.  I missed the friends that have drifted away over the years as I have changed jobs, not because the friendships were weak, but because I simply am not good at maintaining communication.

Above all, I suddenly, and deeply, missed my parents and siblings.  They were always there when I needed a hand up, and I never deserved as good as I got.

The point is, I looked backward for a quick moment and saw a road of regret and it scared me a little.  I’ve had a lot of good people in my life, many more than I could reasonably expect.  I have had good friends and loving family, and let so many of them slip through my fingers.

I guess I just want to say, I miss all of you.  I love all of you, whether you are my past or my present.  These days it can be very hard to find any love for myself inside.  Thank you for letting me know that someone out there thinks I’m worth something.

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One Comment

  1. It’s OK to have a road of regret behind as long as you have a road of potential ahaead. Gee I guess I missed my calling fortune cookie writing.


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