I think I might have a super power.
I know what you’re thinking. I’ve finally gone off the deep end and have lost the few scraps of sanity left to me. I disagree. The evidence has been right there in front of me for years, I’ve just chosen to ignore it. But, I think I have to accept it, I’m special. And, no, I’m not talking “special” in the sense that you say a friend who is a moron is “special.”
So, now that I’ve figured out that I have this power, how can I give it back. What is this power, this ability, I claim to have and so cavalierly wish to give up? I have the uncanny ability to get sick any time there is a holiday, vacation, or other event planned.
Now, I’m not saying it happens every single time, but the percentages are lodged solidly in the over 75% range. This past weekend was no exception. I had been feeling fine, not a sign of trouble, until Saturday morning. Upon awaking I found the beginnings of a sore throat had taken hold. By the end of the day a full-fledged cold with all the trimmings was joyfully kicking my ass.
The illness is never terribly severe. Oh, it’s enough to make things much less than fun. And it certainly is enough to make me prone to bouts of crankiness and fatigue. But, generally speaking, I do my best to ignore and/or medicate the symptoms and soldier on in an attempt to make something of the holiday, trip, or whatever that the germs are trying their best to disrupt.
I am beginning to believe that my body produces a pheromone of some sort. It only begins to seep out when I start to feel anticipation for an upcoming event, and the closer the event comes, the stronger the pheromone gets. It must be like a siren’s song to germs, calling out to them with promises of their own holiday cookouts in my lungs and sinuses.
And it must be one hell of a party.
So, please, if anyone knows where I can go to turn in this wonderful ability of mine, please, let me know. I would even consider paying a disposal charge if that sort of thing is necessary. After all, head colds and triple-h days (hazy/hot/humid not the wrestler) are not a good combination.